Casual, breezy – like the mild wind that blew through Barcelona last week, when I put on a baggy-but-still-sort-of-chic collared shirt & the too big slacks I snapped up on a whim a while back from H&M for the grand total of 10 euros. And I ran around the city for a couple meetings, a few pointless stops into shops, all the while dreaming of the books I was wishing I could be reading at home instead. And today I am headed back to Paris – bracing myself for the cold and the avalanche of work that will fall upon me as soon as I step off that late night plane. Now, I am not saying I’ll be too busy for one too many cafe cremes or spontaneous walks around the city, because in Paris, no one is too busy for these things. But in what is always the slowest month of my freelance year, a girl has got to hustle. When your work comes from such a personal place, it hurts a little when a project you pour into a pitch is met with ambivalence, or at worst, a decisive no. But no matter how loud you want to scream, you pick up your stack of especially printed out PDFs (on expensive, high gloss paper), maybe even text a friend in frustration and move on. Blogging has become so competitive and after accidentally stumbling on some hurtful things said about me online this week, I can’t help but wonder sometimes how I will keep this going. It’s a circus up there in my head, an affirmation follows gloom and the two mix all up, going round and round. I adore what I do and in so many ways the internet raised me into who I have become and the skills I have acquired – but sometimes it all gets so confusing. Life is befuddling and blogging, even more so. But for now, I’ll keep wearing this trench and maybe think about packing, maybe. I tend to leave that to the absolute last minute.