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an airy dress & solid advice

Sunday, June 12, 2016
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Optimized-10 things that took me 26 years to learn107

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a dress i love & some non-airy advice on self-confidence

Good things take time. It’s a saying that circulates like the air itself, it’s essentially converted to cliche. But I really believe it. Nothing of quality comes to fruition quickly. And that includes both me and you. We are both a work in progress that continues progressing. You see, somewhere between 24 and 27, I shed the majority of my insecurities and replaced them a slice of almost solid confidence. It didn’t happen suddenly, but it feels like it did. For the majority of my life, I was timid and practically quivering with that vile trait we call self-hate. I loathed almost every facet of myself. So when you girls ask me about confidence today and you so frequently do, I barely feel qualified to give any advice at all because for so long I was a shadow when it came to self-image. But all you need is time. It’s remarkable what a few years can do, the fusion of time and effort truly creates something good. And the most stunning thing of all is that we can all be good if we try. The trite that hovers across the internet; airy advice and sugary quips about confidence frustrate me. They make it sound easy, like something you can pick off a shelf and keep for yourself. When really, it takes dedication, discipline, perseverance. It’s basically a sport that we as women are constantly told we shouldn’t play.  I’m sick of that and I know you are too. And so I’ve been deliberating these past few days, considering what it truly takes to be confident and my ultimate conclusion comes down to two words: hard work. You see, confidence is essentially entitlement; entitlement is simply the belief that you deserve something. I read that in Mindy Kaling’s book. And deserving comes from work. So don’t sit in the shadows of self-hate, propel yourself through progressing everyday. Work hard to develop your rightful self-respect. Genuinely, at 27, I cracked through a breakthrough that only arrived after years of struggling to take the photographs I saw in my head but not on my camera, hours upon hours in the gym straining to be stronger, book after book of words I read over and then again, in hopes I could one day string at least one or two sentences together like the authors I love. It all adds up and it continues to accumulate, all the tiny efforts you cycle through everyday collect into a bigger whole ; your bigger whole. But and I’ll say it only once more, it takes work.  You must continue to strive always. I hope you do. And while I am assertively more confident than I ever was before, I’m still not where I want to be, perhaps I never will be, perhaps I will forever be reaching. Most likely, my complete potential will fluidly remain uncompleted. There is great dignity in admitting our need for eternal progress. But with my dedication comes entitlement ; I believe I deserve something great. Many somethings, so many great things. You do too. And that darling is what I believe confidence is, not a floaty wish or dream but a fierce determination, a rock hard resolve that you deserve. And you do deserve.


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