I’m 28, 2018 will mark thirty years of breathing, existing and ambling through this world. 30 is a daunting milestone, it’s when the societal magnets are stronger than ever, pulling us down into choices. Choices I don’t want to make. Truthfully speaking, I’m terrified of getting old, not because of death, nor the wrinkles or the bones that might ache, but because getting older means settling into things, a city, a partner, a family, a routine that expands past the daily or weekly but yearly. And yet it’s hard, perhaps impossible for dust to settle for so long, it shifts, scatters, it’s in many places but seemingly not at all. That is me. I am dust. Willingly and happily so. I want it to stay that way, and that is perhaps the only decisiveness to exist ever in my hazardously fickle perspective.
what i’m wearing: lack of color montana ivory bone hat, lasula
cream lace & crochet maxi dress & midsommar swim stone barrow bikini
Youth to me isn’t about physical attractiveness, but the great possibility before us. I never ever want to surrender that, ever. Not much in my life is set in stone, I have a few financial goals but that aside, the way my life is set up means it could easily bend and flex in any direction. This is perhaps what I am most grateful for. I definitely overlooked this blessing for most of my twenties. And so, I made it my mantra this year, I will never be this young again, infinite possibilities lay ahead. And it was this outlook that fuelled some of the best, most adventurous months of my life so far. Growing older has played heavy on my mind, it’s a fear that cannot be cured ; the only way I could combat it was by curating a curiousity out of my own damn existence. It’s what could happen right now instead of next year, it’s saying yes instead of no, it’s finding experiences that you can look back on and say, wow, I really lived. It’s made me happier. So much of life is indeed forgettable, it’s those slivers of magic that matter most. And what’s most eye-opening is that once you start exploring possibilities they collapse like dominoes into new ones and entire stories unfold. But, they don’t come from netflix nights or working late and they won’t come knocking at your door either, so don’t wait for them. You must search them out. I can’t bare the thought of getting older and wishing I had done more. When I die, I want to leave with a great story; every great narrative is propelled by possibility. Don’t get stuck in all the forgettable flows of life, look further. We will never be this young again and life isn’t anything but now, right now.
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