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sadness, spice

Monday, May 18, 2015


the sky was slate, we stayed inside & we felt sad

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what i’m wearing: lack of color ivory bone hat  h&m cream blazer, h&m skinny cigarette pants, h&m grey pointed flats & marni spice perfume

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The sky was tinted slate – and rain fell through the Paris grey all morning. We watched from the windows wondering what to do and where to go. But there we were in an enchanting little apartment with all the French dressings, gold gilded mirrors, marble fireplaces smiling with cracks and white walls that lit the room despite the dull outside. And so that is quite simply how these photos came to be. Spontaneously, strangely and sadly – in that I was tired and disheartened in the quiet way France can make me feel. We swung the windows open wide and listened to the rain collapse into puddles that lifted into wispy humid air. There was this hat I love, a new blazer already cappuccino stained and a big bottle of Marni Spice – and it was under these I hid. And strangely, I do hide under scents. One of my old beaus affirmed he could sense my mood by the way I smelled. You see, when I’m sad I douse myself in perfume – I pore it and slosh it on my skin generously- so that it  clings to me almost overwhelmingly. There is a silent but strong solace for me in scent. And I tend to wear mine thick like a quilt, enveloping me invisibly. This is comforting. I cannot quite explain it. When my emotions wear thin and drag drowsily,  a fragrance can still sit strong on my skin. And since I am quite often sad,  my bottles spill empty quite quickly – so I spend a painful amount on the scents that sit in my bathroom. But so it goes, yet another peculiar tendency of mine that I somehow retrieved from the myriad of emotions that confound me so frequently. And with that restless rain and a sigh I felt in my soul – Marni’s Spice felt right – an unusual dewy sort of scent – lemon, ginger, cinnamon – dark and not very feminine. Strong in a sense, I suppose. Reminiscent of the boyfriend I sometimes wish I had, a warm contrast to the cold skies outside…and evocative of  the yearnings I corralled into an emotion that sat stubborn and sad. But above all, strong – there is strength , a strength that so often emotionally evaporates within me  – but there I sat and there I splashed – just like the rain outside, it lifted something – the sadness stayed but it was sheathed in a way. I was sad, but I was okay.

a note of thanks to habitat parisien for hosting me here – it was a beautiful spot for photos and a charming little apartment tucked away cosy and safe near the arc de triomphe


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