All these things on my mind, like waking up and wondering how the house got to be such a mess, but it’s the other home, where my thoughts live that feels chaotic and I’m not sure how to clean it up. Do you ever feel that way? I am untidy, disarranged in the same way that makes one feel embarrassed about inviting people over for coffee or a glass of wine. I’ll have nothing to say and everything is a mess, there are things everywhere and none of them in their right place. I’m not unhappy, not quite, no not at all, just befuddled.
Whenever I feel like this, I shy away from talking all together, and it mirrors in my writing, which muddles into incoherence reasoned only by punctuation and too many adjectives. So I dot my ‘I’s and tuck whimsical words under question marks. And today, this slow Monday where my thoughts rush into tangles, I slipped on this dress that sings of the vacation I’d like, no, need to take. A physical but also a mental break. A repose, alone, by the sea, just me and a mind wiped clean with nothing but the beach. I’m almost certain that somewhere new, away I could unravel all these strange feelings braided up in me. Yes, here’s to the vacation I need.