I know these will all be stories some day but right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here, I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder.
Here’s something I have learned in my 26 years on this earth, feeling good takes serious effort. Happiness does not just arrive, settle in and stay there forever. For a long time, I thought that it did. I believed that once I had accomplished some of my goals, dated a collection of interesting men and made enough money to go on a few vacations, that I’d feel successful and content permanently. Sadly, it doesn’t work like that. Happiness is a choice I have to make everyday, despite an angry text message I might receive, a grey sky, an instagram photo of someone else’s perfect marble kitchen tops – these are the sort of stupid things that can make me sad or envious or anxious- and it’s so easy to wallow, especially for us women, we tend to feel everything rather intensely.
I’m not saying I’ve been successful in always feeling enough and optimistic but I’d like to think, I’m stumbling there, making my way in some small way or another everyday. And in striving for happiness, making time for it everyday, I’ll come across an accidental euphoric moment – like a glass of wine and a walk through a sun soaked Barcelona with one of my oldest friends. The winter sunlight here in Spain is truly spectacular, blindingly so as it sets – and at the very beginning of a new year, but mostly in these photos, I felt alive and blessed and excited for the struggles and successes I will plow through this big 2-0-1-5. Life is a gift, not a guarantee and happiness is a fight and girls, I’m fighting. I’m really fighting, and I hope you do too.