WHAT I’M WEARING: ASOS BLACK BLAZER, FOREVER 21 CAMI TANK, ASAP PARIS SKATER SKIRT, OASIS COURT HEELS & MINI CHANEL BAG
It’s can be difficult sometimes, coming up with words here that expand past what I’m wearing, on a daily basis. I love how the same letters can form so many different words and I enjoy exploring those as much as I do the combinations of clothes I throw on my back, but sitting here day in and day out, wondering if this is the appropriate outlet for all I want to say, it can be disheartening. Maybe more simply, I am in a bad mood, a creative funk after a weekend spent shooting photos that sped their way to the recycling bin of my computer before I could even complain about much I disliked them. A weekend spent reading all these wonderful words from all these wonderful writers and then listening to their podcasts and wishing so fervently that I could find their talent somewhere within me. On days like this, I couldn’t even pinpoint what my talents are, all I do feels so lacklustre to me. On days like this, I can’t help but think the currency of my talent is the number of instagram followers I have, which isn’t all that many. And if that’s the case, then why bother even trying to foster any real talents at all? It’s how many clicks, how many likes, how many pageviews – all this quantifying leaves little space for what I crave most of all, quality. Like I said, I’m feeling, for lack of a better word, really shitty, I could throw together a few sentences here that imply I’m content today. I could talk about my shoes in a singsong way ending with a verse of shoppable links. I could sit here and pretend my life is always peachy, but I stopped doing that a while ago now. And hey, it’s just a grey spell and they always fade, the fog faithfully evaporates but for now, it’s here and I’m wondering. Which brings me to this, I know you sit there and maybe sometimes you think how you’d quite like my life but I’m just the same as you. My phone bill almost brought me to tears today and everyday I wonder when I will be able to afford one of those fancy Dyson vacuum cleaners. I want to write something great. I want to take photos I’m proud of and I want those things to combine so seamlessly that they combust into real, honest money – income generated from a creative life. I want to carve out my talents so sharply that everyone can see them.. I want to stand behind my skills and sincerely say; yes, this is what I’m good at. I don’t want my creativity boiled down to how many likes my grainy selfie got. And I hate the self-validation that comes when said selfie does get a lot of likes, I want to stray away from that. This, I guess, is what I’m after. I’m pessimistic today however, still persistent. Maybe I’ll get there eventually and then I’ll buy that damn Dyson and invite you all over to my incredibly clean house for dinner to apologize for my sometimes sullen mood.
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