it may be that the satisfaction i needed depended on my going away, so that when i came back, i found it at home
WHAT I’M WEARING: PRIMARK GREY MARL CARDIGAN SHAWL, PRIMARK DISTRESSED SKINNY JEANS, PRIMARK BLACK BANDEAU BRA & PRIMARK GREY MARL FEDORA HAT
makeup i’m wearing: bobbi brown intensive skin serum foundation in natural, bobbi brown bronzing powder in golden light, mac nude matte lipstick in honeylove, mac lipliner in spice, bobbi brown concealer in warm beige, mac prep & prime highlighter in light boost & bobbi brown long-wear mascara
Having my very own home is an enormous deal to me, to all of us I suppose. But you see, I’ve never really had one. There have been lovely rentals as well as bedrooms in group houses I briefly claimed as my own, but with furniture too temporary and decoration too spontaneous to offer the comforting sensation of permanence. And so, as I sit on this sofa, the first one I have ever owned with the dog I have always wanted, it feels momentous to me. The ceiling, is my ceiling. The pillows, those are mine too. And the kitchen in sight, full of cups and pans and jars that I chose to have. It is the strangest but most honest and inspiring revelation, to sit in a haven that is truly all my own. In a lot of ways, this is the future I was dreaming of, for so long, I wasn’t even aware of what I was yearning for. But this is it. A home. A dog. Windows with curtains that I chose and walls soon to be full of framed photographs I took myself . Not hung with blue-tack but with sturdy nails and and a hammer that will settle into the walls in the same way I will. Slowly but surely, enduringly.
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