WHAT I’M WEARING: ZARA WHITE BLAZER, H&M CREAM HIGH NECK BODICE, OASIS SKINNY
CAPRI JEANS, LA REDOUTE NAVY STRAPPY HEELS & ASPINAL OF LONDON MINI HEPBURN BAG
Believe it or not, and I won’t blame you if you don’t, but I really don’t enjoy talking about myself. Books I’ve read or the people I love or comical situations I find myself in, yes these sorts of things I enjoy sharing. Otherwise, I don’t really offer information up about myself unless specifically asked. Now perhaps this is because I have this wonderful outlet right here, where I wander and ramble about all sides of myself but also, I simply find other people far more intriguing. Sure, I’ll call my parents or closest friends and spill every tiny insight into my life but at a party, or around a dinner table with new people, I prefer to listen. And should someone ask me what I do, as a job ; I squirm. I really don’t enjoy explaining it and I especially hate it when they pull out their phone to peek at my instagram right there over dessert or mid glass of wine. And there they’ll be, offering up a stream of compliments in regards to the photos I share online. It can be uncomfortable sharing so much of oneself online and it is a discomfort I will never grow used to. I have my internet life, but I also have my real life, and these do undeniably overlap but I don’t like when one is pulled into the other suddenly and by someone I barely know. That sounds like a complaint but I’m not complaining, it just makes me anxious in a way I can’t really explain. Over the years, I have very much compartmentalized these two components of my life, allowing them to reflect into one another but very strategically keeping them separate, or at least, parallel in a way. I find people that talk too much about themselves to be tedious and so part of my discomfort comes from having a website that solely focuses on me. It makes me uncomfortable at times and I fear it makes me egotistical. I believe I’m prettier online than offline and I know I’m more eloquent via a keyboard than across a table, where I typically swear to much and laugh too loudly. My boyfriend told me the other day that he much preferred the real me to the internet me and it meant so much because while I’m a confident woman, this is precisely the kind of validation I need to hear from time to time. Perhaps it is a doubt that comes from creating a blog and sharing the best words and prettiest photos that exist between the days when nothing happens at all and your hair is a mess and you say fuck more than any other word. Because really? Most of my days are like that, and it can be awkward when you’re at dinner in sneakers and a tank top accidentally dappled in dog hair and a friend of a friend pulls out their phone, and exclaims ; ‘wow, that’s you?!”
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