After a weekend that began on Thursday and ended hysterically late on Saturday night, I’ve cocooned myself into a layer of blankets today; a slate skied Sunday where the streets are empty and sprinkled into rain. I’m alone but I don’t feel so. And the weather is sad but I don’t feel it tucked away at home. I have a huge week ahead and I’ve been in nonstop motion mode, it feels. Between here and Berlin, work projects and missing a boy who is away, I’ve not had much time for me. How lovely it is to let the entire world fall away for a day. I feel like for most of my youth, I was holding on for something great to happen to me, the perfect work project, a love of a lifetime, an event or occurrence that leaves me shook with disbelief; you know, all those movie moments we are made to believe will work as protagonists in chapters of our lives. I was always spurred on by a silly faith in improvement, that everything would always develop into increasingly incredible things beyond my dreams. I since realized always wishing for more leaves nothing but a neck craning and sore for the next day, the next man or whatever else we might ‘want’. And that really, my life is lovely and great.
And I’m not so sure anymore that I ever want it to change. Sitting here on Sunday by myself I’ve realized that the most defining moments aren’t defined by their unfamiliarity but rather, their repetition. The recurring is what I feel most alive for. Like running through Raval late at night with my arm slung over my best friend, a girl I’ve called a sister for almost 10 years now. No matter what happens, where we go, I will always have her by my side for the rest of my life. Or the simple fact that I adore my own company, by myself never makes me lonely and it never will. And Sunday will always come around, every week and I can sit around by myself and write down everything I feel. Or this little blog that also for almost 10 years has been ticking over as I’ve grown up. I wouldn’t ever want to do anything else professionally. Even the sofa I’m sat on here, it’s the first one I’ve ever owned and I honestly I love it so much I might not ever buy another one. And so today at home, on Sunday, I’m grateful for the steadfast threads in my life, they never change, they always stay the same and it is these things that make my life feel whole.