It’s strange how September feels more like a fresh start than January 1st. I’d say this sentiment hails from my over-keen school days, when I’d skip back to class with a new pencil case and stacks of fresh notebooks, supplies I would spend weeks planning and buying. Yes, I was that girl who bought all her teachers a christmas present. I was a nerd. I’m still a nerd. And yet despite so many years since academia life, September is when I always, in one way or another, begin again. 2017 has been quite a year, from an outsider’s view, not much has changed. Same job, same apartment, same city but I’ve learnt so much about myself, I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I like to think I’ve learnt a thing or two along the way. When I glance back at 2016, I see a sad, overwhelmed woman. That’s not the case today. Ofcourse, I am still messing up, quite regularly but not in the same emotionally bruising ways I was before. And so with that said, I wanted to share some of the lessons that quietly came to me so far this year. I hope they inspire you. I hope they perhaps cast a little relief over you. But what I hope most of all is for us, regardless of the month, be it September or the start of a new year, I hope everyday, despite life’s troubles, monotonies and struggles, that we can all, begin again, every damn day.
either everybody is special or nobody is special
I’ve spiralled through phases of placing individuals on pedestals but there is a lot of peace in realizing we are all exactly the same. We all as humans operate not in black and white, but in varying, confusing shades of grey. A monochrome perspective tends to contrast people into great and not great. Even that beautiful girl on instagram? She has problems and heavy periods and I guarantee you she looks in the mirror in that sad, worried way you and do I. Also, everyone makes whopping, huge, shitty mistakes. It’s called being human. You can avoid a lot of drama in remembering this, mistakes are what we are here mostly to do. Because life is a constant lesson and the only way to learn is to live. But living is confusing and there is no mapped out plan for us to follow. Our lows are what build our highs. So next time someone hurts you, remember that you too have caused hurt and in that you’ll find peace. And finally, my last point and once I hope echoes with you: We as humans are descendants of the primate. Yes, monkeys. That’s all we all are. All breathing through very smiliar pairs of lungs, ambling through this mystifying process called life. Not even Beyonce is better than you. We are all the same. We all mess up most of the time. So either you are as special as Beyonce or none of us are. Idolizing others over yourself is not okay in the same way acting superior isn’t right. Don’t do either. We are all just slightly more sophisticated versions of monkeys and even that is disputable; ever seen how happy monkeys look? I’ve never met a human so happy.
most friendships aren’t forever
Here’s a harsh truth, the BFF acroynym is mostly bullshit. Sure, there are people who will stay with you but most of the women you share secrets with in bar bathrooms or call crying at 3 am? One day you won’t be friends. One day you’ll stumble across a photo of the two of you together on facebook and a sadness will wash over you because time erodes so much of life, especially relationships. They get married. They move away. You mildly upset them and an enormous drama unfolds. It happens. It will always happens. But that doesn’t demean the friendship you shared when you shared it, ever. Remembering the terrifying impermanence of life will help you remember that absolutely nothing is forever, and some friends are for certain phases of life and while you might not borrow their clothes anymore, at one point you experienced a chunk of life together and that will always be part of you. People will wash in and out like waves, embrace that and enjoy every phase and every friend as they roll into your life. But also remember, that your one real BFF is yourself, she’s a friend that will never leaveso treat her better than any other, ever.
enriched rather than rich
From the time we start school as children we are developing ourselves for what society crowns as success: a career, which really equates to money. The more of it we have, the more successful we are. Girlboss doesn’t really signify anything but money and a wardrobe full of Gucci to most females. It’s important to be ambitious but it’s also important to live the fuck out of your life and that doesn’t come from working 100 hours a week. Also, sidenote, living the fuck out of your life isn’t about shopping either. You won’t be able to carry your Chanel with you into the afterlife. What I mean to say is that work and money really aren’t everything. Your life is. This year, I prioritized my actual life over my professional one. It has been amazing. Sure, I lost instagram followers. Sure, I didn’t make as much money as I did last year. Sure, I probably lost out on some paid projects along the way. But holy shit, I have had the most insane adventure so far. I blew some of my savings on a second trip to Ibiza and I spontaneously booked Australia flights for the entire month of January. I’ve had hysterical fun with some amazing men and women. I’ve stayed up way too late way too many times. I’ve spontaneously invited people I barely knew to come hang out with me in Barcelona. And throughout all of that, I’ve had some of those moments, you know the ones, when you’re so happy it’s hard to even catch your breath. Those moments, that later, you hold on to as proof of truly living, of being alive in the best, most vibrant way. That’s what marks a truly successful life for me, we must work hard but we must live harder. And when I do die, I know all of these moments will come flooding back and I’ll realize that I lived my life, alive. So stop mourning the fact you didn’t get promoted, or you don’t own a Gucci, because babe, it costs nothing to live, alive. Just start working a little less and start saying yes.
instagram is mostly a lie
A couple months ago, I saw a photo by a blogger I will not name, she was perfectly perched on a rooftop pool at a hotel I’ve frequented many times. The apparently ‘sunrise’ sky was practically intergalactic, dappled with popsicle tinted hues of pink, purple and even, stars. I laughed so hard because instagram is such a big fat lie. Personally I’ve always been underwhelmed and frustrated when I’ve tried to capture almost the same photo. No such sunrise happens in Barcelona and especially not from that rooftop. I’ve even been there at dawn before, and the sky was mostly grey, speaking of, stars are invisible in this city due to the problematic pollution we all as residents complain about. And yet, this photo generated hundreds of gushing comments. Why do we still believe instagram? It’s funny how we all check out of our own very real realities to get updates on everyone else’s very filtered versions of reality. It’s hysterical to me. It’s insanity, really. The digital age is driving us to lunacy and we barely even notice because we are too busy dressing up our lives in little squares. It’s a fun outlet for creativity and expression, but come on, WE ARE SMART WOMEN. IT’S NOT REAL. I confess this to you as an active, often paid particpant of the app. Do I share my best photos? YES. Do I take dozens of horrible shots to get one good one? YES Does my instagram represent my real life? NOT AT ALL. Ultimately, instagram is like Netflix. It’s a fun way to spend a few hours, it’s captivating and addictive but it is in no way, real. Did you believe the likes of The OA or Stranger Things to be real-life, or did you view it as people acting in a show for the public’s entertainment? The latter, right? Well, instagram is essentially the same, it’s a damn show.
selective dating
I’ve been single for 9 months now and not once have I felt lonely or in want of a relationship. I know the day will come when I will want a boyfriend, but I couldn’t say when or how. I’ve had a lot of fun being single, I’ve spent time with a handful of outstanding men, men who I chose carefully, men who established a faith I never had in men; They were men that made me feel good about myself, that made me laugh, that brought out the best in me, even for only a night, a weekend or the dash of a few dates here and there. And through all these very positive experiences with men, I’ve really readjusted my outlook on the opposite sex. They aren’t all bad. My last two boyfriends weren’t decisions but people i casually wandered into and then passively fell in love with. I wasn’t picky enough. I didn’t prioritize what I needed in a partner but instead prioritized them. It made me unhappy, it made me resent men and it made me doubt love. And when I do find the next man to love, I am confident that I will love in the right way. Until then, I’m happy being choosy. I made a list of traits and if a prospective man doesn’t have at least 3 out of the 5, I won’t even meet him for coffee. You cannot get what you want unless you know what you want. Hopelessly wandering around expecting a romantic movie to unfold in front of you is foolish but also, absolutely unlikely. Going out with a man simply because he expresses an interest in you is also a terrible idea. So often we as women worry more about how the man views us than how we view him. It’s easy to get lost and then find yourself in a relationship. But, in prioritizing myself I managed to meet the kind of men I had only ever dreamt of meeting. Seriously confident, successful, positive, handsome men. Which may lead you to ask why I still don’t have a boyfriend? Because currently that’s not what I want and what I want is most important. But when I do next enter a relationship? I guarantee you he will be one hell of a man. I’m not settling for anything other than amazing.
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