WHAT I’M WEARING: SUGRAHILL BECKY BLACK & NAVY COAT, SUGARHILL POPPYLUX SAFIX
BOUCLE TUNIC DRESS, TED BAKER FEDORA & STRADIVARIUS THIGH HIGH FLAT BOOTS
So much of my daily life revolves around discipline. A trait I truly believe in. I work hard, I clock in a lot of hours, I stay awake when I’m tired, I save money rather than shop, I skip social gatherings, I steer clear of unhealthy foods, I go to the gym every single day. Now I’m not playing martyr nor am I self-congratulating in hopes of a verbal medal. Not at all, its a point of pride in my life, certainly but on some days I want all the things that my discipline demands I stay away from. Like a Prada bag or an entire carrot cake or an nap instead of the gym or a few drinks at a cosy bar with boys I don’t know. I’m addicted to my work, a happy slave to my goals but sometimes these aspirations that hold my life together come undone. Quite in the same way a braid slowly loses its shape should the hair tie fall away. I’m still strung together by all these habits I believe in but they are momentarily limp. It usually happens when I’m exhausted, worn thin by work coming at all angles. Blemishes will appear on my face, eyes shadowed by lack of sleep and I’ll sigh as I heave myself through a normal day that usually would feel just right. I’ll react dramatically, violently asserting that everyone but I has an easier time.
I’ll look at photos of skinny girls on instagram and marvel at the gaps between their thighs. I’ll sluggishly walk up the hill to the gym, depressing myself with the thought that the only time I won’t have to go to the gym is when I die. I’ll act stupid and frustrated; self-indulgent thoughts piling on top of misplaced emotions. I’ll vow to move to Bali and open a bookshop or marry a rich man and practice yoga all day. I’ll get out of this workaholic, health obsessed life I live, I’ll exclaim to anyone that will listen ; my words usually finding their way to the ears of my little brother or assistant. For every 29 days of cheerful dedication comes 1 downhill day. It is a cycle, my cycle and one I’ve crazily circled through for as long as I can remember. But you know what? I’ll take it. Happily. If I can get 29 good in exchange for 1 bad? That is one hell of a ratio, a winner of a deal, a transaction I’ll take. Discipline definitely has it’s devil but I can deal with one diabolic day. They all come at us, in one way or another, mine aren’t all that bad. I actually love my work. I like the way my clothes fit and I am confident bare faced. My mind and body are healthy, sure it can be a sluggish pursuit but these are the results of dedication, my dedication. And so with that, I’ll stay devoted despite my discipline’s sometimes devilish ways.
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