what i’m wearing: glamorous navy military style blazer, glamorous cropped frayed skinny jeans, zero uv aviator sunglasses, zara navy heels & navy chanel bag
Well, I’ve been writing a lot recently, not for the blog’s sake but for my own. Those are always the most rewarding pursuits, when my phone is tucked away in a pocket or in the other room, and it’s just me doing whatever I please without the pressure of sharing it via a screen. I do try to make as much time as possible for enjoyment like this. Obviously my job dictates I spend a great deal of time sharing online, but we all need to get away from the internet. I have felt surprisingly calm this week, not fraught with the anxious energy that usually propels my days. My relationship hit the rocks for a little while, ironically right after my boyfriend post. 8 months together marks long enough for problems to surface and truthfully, last week I was sure it was over. But it was just another wave in the chaotic sea that is loving someone of the opposite sex. I hope I learn how to love a man one day, I still struggle and at my lowest, I believe myself utterly incapable. If so, there are always more dogs, I suppose. I don’t know. At 28, I’ve learnt the beauty of simply not knowing. Ingrid Michaelson calls it the ‘wonderful unknown’. My younger self spent so much time constructing enormous precise plans, aggressively certain that everything would happen just as predicted. Life isn’t a puzzle with predetermined pieces that will, one day all interlock. No, I’m more like dominoes, suddenly collapsing into things over and over again. That is my life. But I’m feeling calm and positive, which I say with a sigh of relief; finally, for a few weeks it seemed chaotic, not the days but my mind, it was sprinting everywhere and nowhere all at once. Tomorrow, I’m abandoning my desk for a few days in Rome, some of my best friends live in the city and we all work so much that weekends like the one to come are golden and rare. I cannot wait. Until then, there is a hefty amount of work to get through, the gym, a stop at the dry cleaner’s and a shoot tonight after dark.
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